Elf (film)/Transcript
This is a transcript of Elf. About Elves New Line Cinema logo animates as normal, except at the climax of the vanity plate, snowflakes begin to fall around the logo. We fade from the logo to a cerulean blue gradient backdrop with the few opening credits fading in and out as few snowflakes blow across the screen. It fades to the shot of the camera zooming towards a storybook, which magically opens to a illustrated page of Papa Elf sitting in his armchair. :Papa Elf: narrating Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the, Uh, the story. fades to the shot of Papa Elf in the flesh; he continues speaking to the viewer Elves love to tell stories. I-I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you... you didn't know about elves. Another... another interesting Uh, elf ism Uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night, while, you know, while the old... The old cobbler sleeps. see several elves making shoes in a room after dark as the old cobbler snores :Disgruntled Elf: Lazy bum. Couldn't even make a clog. cut to an oak tree somewhere in a forest :Papa Elf: You can bake cookies in a tree. :Elf from inside: Hey! tree sets alight on fire from the inside :Papa Elf: As you can imagine, it's, uh, dangerous having an oven in an oak tree during the dry season. elves flee from the burning tree :Cookie-making Elf: I wanna make shoes! cut to the inside of Santa's workshop where all the elves are making several different toys from various brands. :Papa Elf: But the third job... uh, some call It, uh, "The show," or... or "the big dance," It's the profession that every elf aspires to, and that is to build toys in Santa's workshop. :Head Elf: Only two weeks left till Christmas! :Papa Elf: I-It's a job only an elf can do. Our... our nimble fingers, natural cheer and active minds are perfect for toy-building. They... they tried using gnomes and trolls. But the gnomes drank too much... gnome belches that seemingly disgusts some of the elves ...and the trolls weren't toilet trained. troll, in a diaper, stands next to a elf mopping up after he urinated. The troll lets out a breaking wind noise. We cut back to Papa Elf. No human being has ever set... set foot in Santa's workshop. Uh, that is until about 30 years ago, and, as you may have guessed, that's where our story begins. scenery changes back to the storybook illustration, and the pages flip over to reveal "Will Ferrell" and "James Caan" individually. The pages flip over again, to reveal the film's title. The opening titles continue with illustrations of elves working or playing, with the pages flipping over as the transitions. The Arctic Puffin sees a giant pop-up cardboard present. The sides of the present fall down and the puffin tries to stabilize the back one, but it falls on top of him. The rest of the opening titles continue until it reaches the director's name. The pages flip over one last time, transitioning to the scene at the orphanage. Little Buddy a nursery, a nun carries a young baby boy to his crib. :Nun: Are you sleepy? Here we are. places the baby in his crib We're just going to make you feel so comfortable. Here we are. There you are. It's time to go to sleep. Maybe by next Christmas you'll Have a home. Merry Christmas, my angel. then leaves and the baby drinks from his milk bottle. Until, the baby hears something from the chimney, and down comes a sack, followed by Santa Claus. He then enters the room, and the baby slowly begins to climb out from his crib. Santa takes a bite from a cookie until he hears a metallic clinging. He turns around and sees nothing, and then he continues eating. Unknown to him, the baby crawls towards the sack filled with toys and in front of him is a teddy bear. We cut to the elves celebrating and cheering in the workshop on Christmas Day. Some of them were dancing and having drinks that they clink together. Santa stands in front of them :Santa Claus: All right, all right. elves settle down We've had another very successful year. So, after all that hard work, it's time to start preparations... for next Christmas! elves cheer again with delight, and the baby is heard cooing from inside the sack. Santa hears it and turns to his sack in suspicion. What in the name of Sam Hill Is that? elves look on as the baby emerges from the sack, looking around in the workshop. Some of them were whisper and murmur to each other in suspicion and confusion. A few of them gather in front of the baby, one elf notices the brand tag on the baby's diaper. :Elf #1: reading "little buddy diapers." :Elf #2: His name is buddy. He must've... snuck into your sack at the orphanage. :Elf #3: What do we do? thinks to himself as Papa Elf narrates :Papa Elf: So, Santa had a Decision to make, and fortunately, when it comes to babies. Santa's a... a pushover. So, buddy stayed with, uh, an older elf who had always wanted a child? his voice narrates, Papa Elf in the scene looks on But had been so committed to Building toys, he... He, well, had forgotten to settle down. Elf raises his hand Santa. cut back to him, talking to the viewer in his armchair. Yes, yes, I... I raised Buddy. I was his adopted father. time-lapse through different scenes: an toddler Buddy, in his elf outfit and nearly the same size as Papa Elf, sits on Papa Elf's lap. His voice narrates Though buddy grew twice as fast, he... he wasn't any different from the other children. cut to Buddy, now an older boy, rides on his bicycle on his birthday, with Papa Elf riding on the back. Papa Elf chuckles Not too fast, Buddy. I mean, not... not really. cut to a elf giving a class to several child elves, including Buddy. :Elf Teacher: Before we learn how to build the latest in extreme graphic chipset processors, let's recite the "Code of the elves," shall we? Number one. :Young Elves (including Buddy): "Treat every day like Christmas." camera slowly pans to the right to reveal Buddy, now an adult, sits at his tiny desk. :Elf Teacher: Number two. :Young Elves (including Buddy): "There's room for everyone on the Nice list." :Elf Teacher: Number three. :Young Elf (including Buddy): "The best way to spread Christmas Cheer is singing loud for all to hear." :Papa Elf: as he escorts Buddy to a room And one day, when Buddy was old enough, I made him my own personal apprentice. :Buddy: I've never been in this room before. :Papa Elf: Well, I think it's time you start your tinker training. turns on the lights to reveal Santa's Sleigh :Buddy: in amazement Santa's sleigh. :Papa Elf: You're gonna help me make it fly. :Buddy: I thought the magical reindeer made The sleighs fly. :Papa Elf: And where do the reindeer get their magic from? :Buddy: Christmas spirit. Everybody knows that. :Papa Elf: Well, silly as it sounds, a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus. :Buddy: What?! Well, who do they think puts all? their toys under the tree? :Papa Elf: Well, there's a rumor floating around that, uh, that the parents do it. :Buddy: That's... that's ridiculous. I mean, parents couldn't do that all in one night. What about Santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat them, too? :Papa Elf: Yeah, I, uh, I... I know, uh, and every earless and less people believe in Santa Claus. I mean, we have a real energy crisis on our hands. :Buddy: Oh. :Papa Elf: I mean, just see how low the, uh Claus meter is. :Buddy: That's shocking. :Papa Elf: That's why I came up with this little beauty in the '60s. gestures to the engine on the sleigh. Papa Elf turns on the engine and Buddy kneels down to see underneath the sleigh. :Buddy: WH-what is it? :Papa Elf: It's a Kringle 3000... A 500-reindeer power jet turbine engine. Without it, the sleigh couldn't get more than, uh, a few feet off the ground. engine explodes a few sparks out Well, it looks like we got a short in the thermo coupler. You wanna give me a hand with that? :Buddy: You want me to help? A Special Elf :Papa Elf: to the viewer As much as, uh, Buddy was accepted by his family and friends, there were a few drawbacks to being, uh, a human in, uh an elf's world. the workshop, all the elves are working tremendously fine, whilst Buddy works at his tiny desk making the etch-a-sketches. He focuses on his work as Ming Ming walks over to him :Buddy: Hey, Ming Ming. Um... I'm gonna be a little bit short on today's quota. :Ming Ming: It's all right, Buddy. Just how many etch-a-sketches did you get finished? was no response from Buddy Come on, Buddy. How many? :Buddy: I made, uh... 85. stopped working after they heard it :Ming Ming: Eighty-five? That puts you... checks the quota scroll 915 off the pace. :Buddy: Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy maker in the world. I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. gasps :Ming Ming: No, Buddy, you're not cotton-headed ninny-muggins. We all just have different talents, that's all. :Buddy: Seems like everyone else have the same talents except for me. :Ming Ming: You... you have, you have lots of Talents, uh... Special talents in fact, like Um, uh... :Buddy: Special talents? :Elf #1: You changed the batteries in the smoke detector. :Elf #2: You sure did... aaa's. :Elf #3: And in six months, you'll have to check 'em again... :Elf #4: Won't he? :Elf #5: And you're the only baritone in the elf choir. :Elf #6: You bring us down whole octave. :Elf #7: In a good way. :Ming Ming: See, Buddy? You're not a cotton-headed ninny-muggings. You're just... special. looks on, feeling a bit better. :Papa Elf: narrating And so, Buddy was sent where the... The special elves work. works in the toy testing area where he is trying out the Jack in the box toys. Jack popped out from his box which startled Buddy. He puts the tested toy aside with the others and gets another copy of it from the different pile. He winds the handle which plays the instrumental tune "Pop goes the weasel". Jack popped out from the box when startled Buddy again. He puts the toy aside and gets another one. Buddy winds the handle again, playing the same instrumental tune, this time he slowed down at the last notes. Buddy then calmly continues to write on his paper, until Jack pops out from his box, startling Buddy which cause him to shake the toy out of frustration before placing it down. Foom Foom and Ming Ming begin to have a conversation. :Ming Ming: Hey, Foom Foom? I hate to do this to you, but you think you could help me pick up the slack on those etch-a-sketches? :Foom Foom: No problem. I appreciate it. they continue their conversation, they didn't know that Buddy climbed up on the structure and was listening to the entire thing. :Ming Ming: Buddy is killing me. :Foom Foom: I already got lum lum and choochoo pulling' doubles. That was quick thinking yesterday with that "special talents" thing. :Ming Ming: I feel bad for the guy. I just hope he doesn't get wise. :Foom Foom: Well, if he hasn't figured out he's a human by now, I don't think he ever will. expression on his face becomes concerned. He climbs down from the structure and looks on, feeling worried as Foom Foom's words "If he hasn't figured out he's a human by now, I don't think he ever will." echoes around his head, as the screen sways clockwise. We flashback to where a elf is fitting Buddy with shoes. :Buddy: I think they're too small. see another flashback with Buddy in a shower, of course he is bigger than the shower and still has his hat on. Ming Ming's words "You're just... special." echoes. Another flashback shows Buddy sleeping awkwardly in some small beds. Another flashback reveals photographs of Buddy in the elves basketball team and in the graduation cermony, where he is a giant over the elves. A image of the Jack in the box sways clockwise. The entire flashback fades as Foom Foom looks at Buddy with concern. :Foom Foom: You don't look so good, Buddy. Are you okay? :Buddy: I'll be okay, I just need a glass of water. begins to faint by leaning towards Foom Foom who screams as Buddy falls on top of him. :Foom Foom: muffled Buddy... exits the workshop before hitting his head on the canopy and runs back to Papa Elf's cabin. Once he enters, he nearly knocks over a table whilst hurrying past and hides in a toilet room. He puts his head to his knees as if he is crying. There is knocking from the door :Papa Elf: Buddy, are you okay? :Buddy: the door I'm sorry, papa. I just need some alone time. :Papa Elf: Buddy, I... I think we... we have to talk. bit later, Buddy is now sitting on the small Papa Elf's lap as he writhes slightly. Buddy, uh, I think there's something I... I probably should tell you. You probably should have found out a long... A long time ago. Elf's voice narrates to the viewer as he shows Buddy his true origins by giving him a photograph of his biological father, Walter Hobbs with a beautiful woman called Susan Wells. I then proceeded to tell buddy of how his father had fallen in love when he was very young with a beautiful girl named Susan wells. And how buddy was born and put up for adoption by his mother, and how she had later passed away. I... I told him his father had never even known that Buddy was born, and most importantly, I told him where his father was... uh, in a magical land called new York City. Elf shows Buddy a snow-globe depicting New York City skyscrapers inside. :Buddy: My dad works there? :Papa Elf: Empire state building. leaves the cabin with the snow-globe; he passes by the Arctic Puffin and the baby seal. :Puffin: Hey, Buddy, wanna pick some snow berries? :Buddy: Not now, arctic puffin. then comes across an anthropomorphic snowman with a blue tie called Leon the Snowman :Leon: Hello, Buddy. :Buddy: Oh... hi, Leon. :Leon: Why the long face, partner? :Buddy: It seems I'm... I'm not an elf. :Leon: 'Course you're not. You're 6'3" and had a beard since you were 15. :Buddy: Papa says my real father lives in a magical place far away. I don't know what to do. :Leon: At least you have a daddy. I was just rolled up one day and left out here in the cold. :Buddy: But the thing is, I've never even left the North Pole. :Leon: Buddy, I've been around the world many times when I was a young cumulus nimbus cloud. It's a wonderful place, filled with Wondrous creatures... except dogs. Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow. :Buddy: Oh, I know that. :Leon: All I'm sayin' is, this might be The golden opportunity to find out whom you really are. looks thoughtful upon hearing Leon's advice Buddy's Journey night, at Santa's workshop, Buddy is speaking to Santa. :Santa: So, I hear you're going on a little journey to the big city. :Buddy: Yup. Ahh. I'm kind a nervous. chuckles Leon says New York is pretty different. :Santa: Oh, don't pay attention to Leon. He's never been anywhere. He doesn't have any feet. I've been to New York thousands of times. :Buddy: Really? :Santa: Mm-hmm. :Buddy: What's it like? :Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on The street, leave it there. It's not free candy. Oh. Second, there are, like, 30 ray's pizzas. They all claim to be the original, but the real one' son 11th. And if you see a sign that Says "peep show," that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at presents before Christmas. :Buddy: Can't wait to see my dad... we're gonna go ices skating and... And eat sugar plums. :Santa: Yeah, that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. You know, Buddy... sighs Your father... Well... he's on the naughty list. :Buddy: shocked NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! camera quickly pans from them over to Santa's naughty list where Walter Hobbs' name is highlighted. The scene transitions to Walter in his office, speaking with a nun. :Nun: You're taking the books back? chuckles :Walter: See, I... I see what you're trying to do here. Y-You're trying to make me feel bad, when, in actuality, you're the one that missed the payments. :Nun: But the children love the books. :Walter: I know that, uh... you know, I'm the one that ran The focus groups, but I like hearing that. transitions back to the North Pole where Santa is advising Buddy of redeeming his father. :Santa: Listen, some people, they just lose sight of what's important in life. That doesn't mean they can't find their way again, huh? Maybe all they need is just a little Christmas spirit. the elves cheer :Buddy: Well, uh, I... I'm good at that. :Santa: I know you are. then goes over to Papa Elf who hands him the snow-globe and they hug. :Papa Elf: And I'll... I'll always, uh, I'll always be here for you. Now, uh... go... uh, get. see Buddy leaving the workshop and walking towards the open sea where the Arctic Puffin, the baby walrus and the polar bear cub. :Buddy: Bye, guys. :Walrus: Bye, Buddy. :Puffin: Bye, Buddy. Take care. approaches a slab of ice at the open sea. He jumps onto it, breaking it loose from the ice and he floats out into the open sea. :Walrus: Bye-bye. Bye-bye. :Polar Bear: Bye-bye, Buddy. walrus begins to sob. The arctic puffin comforts him. :Puffin: There, there. Buddy continues to float out into the open, something slowly emerges from the water. This startles the arctic puffin, the walrus and the polar bear, causing them to scamper off. Buddy turns to what is coming out of the water, it was Mr. Narwhal. :Mr. Narwhal: Bye, Buddy. Hope you find your dad. :Buddy: Thanks, Mr. Narwhal. Narwhal begins to descend back into the water. Bye. then sits on the slab of ice as he floats out into the open sea. Much later, Buddy arrives at the lands of Candy Cane forest whilst keeping balance on the slab of ice, which has nearly melted away. He then steps off the remains of the slab of ice and onto land. We fade to the overhead flying shot of the pine-tree forest and the snowy hills of the mountains as Buddy makes his journey to New York. He then walks through the forest and sees a raccoon who is crawling around. :Buddy: Hey! What's your name? My name's Buddy. raccoon then looks at Buddy who is about to pet, until the animal stands on its hind paws and hisses at him. Ohh! raccoon backs down Does someone need a hug? raccoon sees Buddy slowly kneeling down to give him a hug, but the animal leaps up onto Buddy, knocking him down, out of camera range. Aaah, aah! That's not cool! I just wanted a hug! later, we see Buddy continues to walk through a different part of the forest without any signs of injuries from the raccoon attack. He approaches the vacant country road and crosses it, since there are no cars coming. We fade to Buddy walking through Lincoln tunnel, and we fade to where Buddy is exiting the tunnel and sees the New York City skyline in bright morning sunlight. The song "Pennies from Heaven" plays in the background as we see a montage of Buddy's first arrival in the Big Apple. :Buddy: to the man who is holding his hand out for a taxi Hi. Hello. he laughs as the man shines his shoes for him. A bit later, Buddy walks up to two guys giving out leaflets. Thank you. Thank you. passes down a coffee shop and spots the sign "WORLD'S BEST CUP OF COFFEE" in the window. Buddy excitedly bursts in the coffee shop. You did it! Congratulations! "World's best cup of coffee." customers and the employees stare at him in confusion. Great job, everybody. It's great to meet you. goes to leave and sees the man who is staring at him Hi. on, Buddy is hopping on and off the white stripes of the crossing on the road. As he does so, vehicles nearby beep their horns at him. Later, Buddy runs up to a pedestrian who looks like Santa. :Buddy: Santa, san... sees the pedestrian's face uh, nope. Not Santa. pays the visit to the leaflet guys again Thank you. Thank you. Buddy is seeing some discarded gum on the banister rails, and pulls some of them before chewing them. Much later, Buddy is seen running around through the revolving doors of a store. He then becomes really dizzy and vomits in a nearby trash can, before going back in the revolving doors. Later, Buddy goes back to the leaflet guys Thank you. :Leaflet Guy 1: having enough of Buddy and pushes him away Hey, you know what? No. :Buddy: the other leaflet guy Thank you. :Leaflet Guy 2: Buddy away, who runs off No, all right? Get outta here, get outta here. Buddy is walking with the snow-globe in hand and spots the Empire State Building ahead of him. He holds up the snow-globe where the skyscraper matches the one in the snow-globe. Buddy walks inside the Empire State Building lobby where two flags of America hang from the poles, and the giant name plate on the wall. Category:Transcripts Category:Movie Transcripts Category:Uncomplete Transcripts Category:New Line Cinema Film Transcripts